"Good, you got of the house," my brother told me as he came home and found the Target bag containing the dress pants I walked four miles to purchase for my job interview.
He's been on that theme for a while: getting out of the house. I suppose he's not the only one... all the 'experts' seem to agree that when you are battling unemployment it's best not to wallow around in your sadness loathing your own existence.
But, that's not really what I do when I am alone at 'home' all day. There's usually very little wallowing.
I get inspired to apply for jobs online, to update my resume, to write articles, to find coupons for free food, to answer ChaCha questions in hopes of meeting the payment threshold before the end of the year.
But, more importantly than my productivity, I feel safe. See, I'm not sure how long I'll have the option to stay at home, because I am constantly living with the fear that I might not have that home to stay in for much longer.
My brother's a good guy, don't get me wrong. But, he'd probably even admit he's human. And humans die. Or, if they don't die, they get pissed or self-righteous or find themselves struggling too much themselves to be able to worry about anyone else--even their own families.
Think I'm wrong? It's already happened to me twice. The reason I'm with my brother now is because my mom and my dad both exercised their humanity.
If something were to happen with him, I'd find myself in a pickle, as the sugarcoaters say.
Not to mention when I go out of the house, that's usually what makes me feel sadness and the need to wallow in my misery. I pass by nice places to eat, places to visit, things to buy... aka things I can't afford to do.
The other night, I left the bar where we he took me to get "out of the house" and wandered around town. I found myself more depressed than I've been in a while. It wasn't from drinking, because I was too poor to buy any drinks anyway; instead it was being in a social atmosphere and knowing how alone I really am.
So, please don't mind me if I happen to enjoy staying in the house. I'm worried sometimes if I leave, I might not be able to come back. And without others around, it's hard to feel alone, as odd as that might sound.
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This writing has been slightly modified from an earlier writing that was submitted to and published in Article 25, an advocacy newspaper benefiting people battling homelessness in Cincinnati, Ohio.
“Don’t throw that rock in the lake,” I found myself saying for the hundredth time to a second-grade camper I was working with recently. With my luck, he’d miss and hit another camper or pop one of the inflatable toys on the lake.
Realizing he had been warned time and time again, he looked at me and thought about it.
Then, he gave in to his compulsion to see if he could skip that rock across the water. He chucked it in, staring me in the face while he did it.
A moment of rage made me want to chuck the camper on the same path, but it quickly dissipated when I looked him in the face and saw he just wanted to have fun and just made a mistake he now regretted. And, wisdom from above made me realize that I shouldn’t be mad at him.
The wisdom made me realize that this is how God feels about us each and every time we once again make a bad decision.
He’s warned us, he’s told us over and over again, and yet, even after thinking about it, even after realizing what it might do to us and others, we look him in the face and do something wrong again. Usually are adult wrongs have a lot more consequences than skipping a rock.
Yet, he resists his desire to unleash his wrath on and us and finds the compassion to offer forgiveness even if he knows we’ll make that same mistake again.
The faces of homelessness are many and the reasons people fall into homelessness can be completely innocent. But, more times than not, the image that first appears in the mind when you say “homeless” are people who made bad decisions over and over again even when they knew they were wrong. Now they are getting what they have earned and deserve.
But, now, when I think of a person who has made bad decisions over and over again, I think of that camper skipping his rock across the lake even after I asked him not to for the hundredth time. Then, I think of myself as that kid--and God as the counselor. And, I realize we’re all just as flawed as anyone else and we all need compassion, not disregard or rage.
Some peoples flaws are easily forgiven by society. Some are rescued from their consequences. Others end up on the streets. But, regardless of the outcome, we are all the same and deserve the same. That’s why we should never wish for the world to be fair.
Even if someone is homeless because of their own repeated mistakes, we should be like God and offer them compassion, even if we think they will mess up again. Because that’s how we’d like God to treat us.
Next time, think of that homeless person as a young child, or even better, think of that homeless person as yourself. Then, when you make a mistake, you will be judged with the same measure.
Then, when you make a mistake, you will be judged with the same measure.
“Don’t throw that rock in the lake,” I found myself saying for the hundredth time to a second-grade camper I was working with recently. With my luck, he’d miss and hit another camper or pop one of the inflatable toys on the lake.
Realizing he had been warned time and time again, he looked at me and thought about it.
Then, he gave in to his compulsion to see if he could skip that rock across the water. He chucked it in, staring me in the face while he did it.
A moment of rage made me want to chuck the camper on the same path, but it quickly dissipated when I looked him in the face and saw he just wanted to have fun and just made a mistake he now regretted. And, wisdom from above made me realize that I shouldn’t be mad at him.
The wisdom made me realize that this is how God feels about us each and every time we once again make a bad decision.
He’s warned us, he’s told us over and over again, and yet, even after thinking about it, even after realizing what it might do to us and others, we look him in the face and do something wrong again. Usually are adult wrongs have a lot more consequences than skipping a rock.
Yet, he resists his desire to unleash his wrath on and us and finds the compassion to offer forgiveness even if he knows we’ll make that same mistake again.
The faces of homelessness are many and the reasons people fall into homelessness can be completely innocent. But, more times than not, the image that first appears in the mind when you say “homeless” are people who made bad decisions over and over again even when they knew they were wrong. Now they are getting what they have earned and deserve.
But, now, when I think of a person who has made bad decisions over and over again, I think of that camper skipping his rock across the lake even after I asked him not to for the hundredth time. Then, I think of myself as that kid--and God as the counselor. And, I realize we’re all just as flawed as anyone else and we all need compassion, not disregard or rage.
Some peoples flaws are easily forgiven by society. Some are rescued from their consequences. Others end up on the streets. But, regardless of the outcome, we are all the same and deserve the same. That’s why we should never wish for the world to be fair.
Even if someone is homeless because of their own repeated mistakes, we should be like God and offer them compassion, even if we think they will mess up again. Because that’s how we’d like God to treat us.
Next time, think of that homeless person as a young child, or even better, think of that homeless person as yourself. Then, when you make a mistake, you will be judged with the same measure.
Then, when you make a mistake, you will be judged with the same measure.